God is Faithful
“Choose you this day whom ye will serve;
but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
Joshua 24:15
Praise God that I have chosen to serve Him. My name is Amanda Marie Fehr. I’m
14 yrs. old and I live in Fort St. John, British Columbia.
I have four brothers, and no sisters. I do have many sisters
in Christ now—I thank God for that.
“Before I formed thee (Amanda) in the belly I knew thee.” (Jer.1:5) I was born in Haiti. At age four I joined my family. At a young age I tried to be good. I believe I wanted to do what was right.
Our family (since I can remember) never had a church that we felt that God wanted us to be in. For a while we just had home church. But, we really wanted a true fellowship that we could go to. For a while we went to a church and tried to help keep it a biblical church. My parents were concerned about how it was affecting us children. The young people were not at all godly young people who truly loved the Lord.
In Feb. 2002, my Dad and another man went to Pennsylvania for a men’s leadership seminar. They had much good news to tell the families out here. We started a small home church with four families—including us. (Others came and stayed awhile and then left.) I met a friend there, Jody, a godly young woman only a few years older than myself. Jody loved God and wanted to do all she could to help us want to love God. But often I would refuse to listen to her, I would stick up for myself and for my other friends. Sometimes I would mock her.
“Chasten thy son (daughter) while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his (her) crying.” (Proverbs 19:18) My parents did this. Thank God there was hope. I just didn’t see it then.
Later, I got involved with flirting, from flirting, to looseness and finally it got to the point of physical touch. “Oh, but I thought I wasn’t as bad as the young people on the street! I didn’t kiss, hug, etc…NO!” It was still wrong. Shaking hands for fun, or sitting beside each other was wrong. I couldn’t understand Jody; she seemed to shake when some of us girls would go to the living room to just flippantly talk with young men. It bothered me that she would leave or try to get us to do something else. Going to church got to a point that it was no longer to sing to God, listen to the speaker, or read the Bible. I went to church to visit my friends.
“For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast (I have) rejected the word of the Lord, he hath also rejected thee.” (1 Samuel 15:23) Wow! Powerful words! Oh, but they did not sound like music to my ears at the time—well, I didn’t think I was THAT bad.
“Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30) “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? God can know it.” (Jeremiah 17:9) He knew my heart. Even though I tried to be strong in the stubbornness, and to prove that I was strong, in God’s eyes I was as chaff being blown in the wind, or as a mouse that is trapped and cannot get out. I was that mouse that was trapped and couldn’t get out. I knew I was trapped but I tried to act strong and free myself. Oh, many people were praying for me. But I hardened my heart. “Now be ye not stiff-necked, as your fathers (friends) were, but yield yourselves unto the LORD.” (2 Chronicles 30:8)
I had fallen so much into sin that I had started to take my covering off. I especially didn’t want to be an oddball in a coming wedding that I was planning on attending. I was supposed to serve at the head table. I didn’t want to look like an oddball. That was before Christmas 2003. I loved it when some of my cousins felt freer to talk to me without the head covering. Even an aunt and uncle came to talk to me. I felt good. Or, I thought I felt good.
So when the covering came off, I no longer felt that I should try to submit to my parents. It made things worse. But truly deep down in my heart, I longed for a peaceful life. Pride, stubborn pride, would not let me admit that I was living in sin. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of (Amanda) a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him (her).” (Proverbs 22:15) I argued with myself about that verse. I wasn’t a child in the first place. I am a teenager. I had loved that word teenager. “I am just a teenager” I would say, “you can’t expect anything better”. Yes, God expects better of me. “A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.” (Proverbs 22:1) I no longer want to be labeled “teenager” but a child of God.
“Let no man despise thy youth” (1 Timothy 4:12). I am glad I will not have to live bound up all my youth in sin. Secondly, I always would say to myself that I would never get bound. Foolish thought! The more I thought that, the more I was bound. And thirdly, I kept saying to my parents, “give me as many spankings as you want to, but that won’t change me.” Sometimes I was all the more hardened after a punishment. I’m glad now that my parents didn’t give up. I knew that they really loved me but I didn’t like to admit it.
Anyhow, sad days, weeks, and months, went by. In Feb. 2004, my Dad, Mom, Daniel, Joshua, and I went to the Men’s Seminar in PA. I didn’t want to go to the meetings. But, again, deep in my heart I wanted to go. I heard so much exciting things about the Ephrata and Charity church. One biggest thing I feared was that my stubborn pride would be broken. Oh, I believe I really came to love my stubborn pride. When we were at the Charity church I met Bro. Denny. I never wanted to meet him. My two friends had nothing good to say about him when they had gone to Bible School last year.
I was holding a baby. I looked around in time to see Bro. Denny coming straight towards my direction. My head whirled with many thoughts. Oh, no! Is he going to talk to me? Maybe I can pretend I didn’t see him and take off. No, it was too late. He looked straight in my eyes. Oh, I didn’t like that. I looked at him awkwardly. Thank God that he didn’t just leave me with a “hi and bye.” We introduced ourselves to each other. “Are you kicking against your parents?” Bro. Denny asked. Wow, it was as if a hammer hit my pride. I fumbled for an answer. I said something like this, “No, not now, really, well maybe sometimes.” “Why did he have to ask such a question?” I thought to myself when there was a silence between us. How can he just stand there and stare at me like that? I wanted to run away. Bro. Denny asked me if I knew how he could tell. “In the eyes,” I answered. I remember he said something else but I can’t remember what it was. Anyhow, that was with me through the rest of the trip. And it bothered me. Going back a little—I remember having a talk with some friends in Ontario. That also left me something to think about on the trip back.
As usual, time goes by and you don’t think about it anymore and you get worse. God was still working on me. People were still praying for me. God didn’t close the door of Salvation on me. Praise God!!
“Boast not thyself of tomorrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth.” (Proverbs 27:1) I believe that verse applied to me. The weekend of Oct. 15 - 17 Bro. Mose came out to Cleardale and had meetings. I had thought even though Bro. Mose is here I will not let that change me. I have sat through powerful messages before. I truly didn’t know that “This is (was) the day which the Lord hath made; and that we will (would) rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)
That Sun., Oct. 17, we went to a church that just started up since after the revival meetings in Manitoba. Bro. Mose and Bro. Earl Fox were going to be there for Sunday. The service was good. It was about the seven churches. But that didn’t mean much to me. We had a fellowship meal. After lunch the Christian girls went for a walk. Jody was with them. She invited me to come but I refused. I refused in a nice way of course. But inside I was feeling like an oddball. I was the only one in the older girls who didn’t want to go for a walk. “Oddball! Oddball!” voices hissed at me in my heart. I knew I was the “oddball” in the Christian circles. But I did not think I was as oddball in the world.
In the afternoon Jody wanted me to come with them to their Bible study. I went. There were Jody and three other girls. I believe God laid it heavily on my heart that I should go. Not that I cared to obey God’s promptings, but I still went. I was touched to see a small group of girls talking about God and their struggles and victories. They weren’t talking against their parents, or flippantly talking about guys. When prayer time came I didn’t stay. I didn’t think I could stay. I believe if I would have stayed I wouldn’t have gotten a troubled conscious. I thought that I hurt that soft and tender heart of Jody. Oh, that bothered me. So, to get it off my mind I helped with getting food from the house to the shop. I enjoy doing those things.
One of those times I went in the shop I heard some singing. An elderly lady was teaching the young children a song. These are the words that stood out to me. “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, that’s what Jesus said. (Repeat) Without the Way there is no going; Without the Truth there is no knowing; Without the Life there is no living, I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, That’s what Jesus said.” “Funny! Why did I stop to listen to that?” I thought. “Why does everything seem to go wrong?” After supper there was a time of testimonies. The testimonies were touching. One of the mothers had gotten saved that day. It’s good to hear others get saved. But me? I could never picture that! But God knew!
The last song was being sung when I saw Jody coming towards me. I thought maybe she came to confess something to me. I had no idea what she would have to confess to me. But it is always nice to have people confess to me. But ME confess? Never! Jody and I went outside. She didn’t have something to confess to me, but she wanted me to confess to God. Me confess? Never! I burst out crying. MY FRIENDS! My friends! I don’t want to give them up! How could I ever do this? No! No! Yes! Yes! You can do it. There was a battle in my heart. Satan was fighting. God was fighting. Satan was losing. Hallelujah!! God was winning! Jody decided to go for help when I finally admitted I needed it. She went to get Bro. Mose. Dad came, also. There in the basement of the house, God took the key to the locks on my heart and gently, but slowly, unlatched the chains. Oh, it was desperately hard. But, I was free! Oh, hallelujah! There I poured my heart to Jesus.
Immediately I had a strong burden for my cousins. I could now pray for them. After we prayed, Bro. Mose laid his hands on me and prayed for me. I thanked Jody for praying for me. I believe God has answered her prayer: to lead a sinner to Christ. What rejoicing there was when I went in the shop! I believe they were praying for me during my absence.
“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10) Oh, God may you find me.
Now, I want to tell my cousins, and my relatives, and my friends what Jesus has done for me. “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” (Romans 10:9) “For whosoever shall be ashamed of me and of my words, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he shall come in his own glory, and in his Father’s, and of the holy angels.” (Luke 9:26)
I am glad that if I walk with God and I should die, or when He appears we may have confidence, and not be ashamed before Him at His coming. (1 John 2:28) I don’t have to dread to meet God as a nightmare, but look forward to His coming as a Friend and Father.
I know that Satan will come as the angel of light, or as a ravening wolf, or as a roaring lion. I believe when he comes as the angel of light, the sin will seem not too bad. But if I take the scriptures, the sin will be easy to see as if he came as a roaring lion. “Search me, God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts.” (Psalm 139:23)
I remember asking God to give me a (blood) sister. Now God has given me lots of sisters. I’m really thankful for that. Please pray for me, that I’ll continue to walk in His footsteps.
Dear young people: Don’t put off your salvation and wait till you get older to get saved. It will make it all the harder. You will have sown more seeds that you will have to reap later. Please repent of your sins and commit your whole heart and life to the Lord Jesus.
Dear parents: Don’t ever give up on your wayward son or daughter. Pray and love. There IS hope!
Dear born again young people: Please, please, do not give up on your unsaved friends or family. Be faithful. Be a witness. Pray and love.
“The Lord hath done great things for us; whereof we are glad.” (Psalm 126:3)
Here is something I wrote while in Ephrata. It applied a bit to me and to what I heard when my dad was there. It is the word SEMINAR.”
Singing
Encouraging
Memories
Inspiration
New Zeal
Arrangements
Resting
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