 Occasionally
my husband and I, others at our church, or the tape ministry will
receive letters asking us how we prepare our born-again young
ladies for their futures. These letters are often asking if we
send our girls to universities, to Bible colleges, to seminaries,
etc. With currently twelve youth thirteen years and up living
in our home, and numerous others in the past, we have spent much
time in prayer and practical application on this area. I will
try to answer the question from our own experience. I am sure
there are others who could add much wisdom to the subject. This
is just one family’s perspective.
Young converted girls in the home bring so
much joy, vitality, and sweetness to the home. They are wonderful
helpers, companions, prayer warriors, and encouragers! They
teach us now! Yet their days of training are not over.
Just as many people in the world will spend a fortune training
their youth in colleges, we still want to invest our time, love,
and prayers in the continuing of our young people’s preparation
for life! They are a treasure and the future Kingdom of God
should Jesus tarry.
It seems that in Titus when instructions are
given as to how to train young women, we are to train them AS
IF they are going to marry and bear children. We know that some
women are called to serve God in a single state, and we want
our girls to be content in whichever state God chooses for them.
We explain to our girls that there is a possibility marriage
will not be their future. We also explain that training in that
direction will still be very beneficial. Should they remain
single, they will still operate in the same “realm” in many
ways: in a home with their parents or a sibling; helping a family
on the mission fields; working at a Christian residential home
for the disabled, orphaned or elderly, etc. God has a wonderful
plan to use each of these young women for the furtherance of
the Kingdom.
 Homemaking
So we seriously set out to train them in homemaking:
the everyday tasks of keeping a home, being self-sufficient
(as far as having the ability to sew, cook, can and garden),
making the home a tidy, simple haven reflecting Jesus and
not
the world’s tastes. This takes up much of their time and these
are fun lessons. (By now my girls are better than me at most
of these tasks so they are no longer lessons, just lots of practice
sprinkled with words of advice.) It is such a blessing when
the girls find joy in these everyday tasks– it will add grace
and beauty to their future homes. When the mother in a home
delights in her duties, it gives an air of contentedness.
Childtraining
We guide them in the ways of
childtraining: lovingly guiding children, teaching them
God’s truths, and disciplining.
We daily stop to point out to the older girls the very subtle,
often unnoticed moments of training. We call them aside
and
explain why we are working on a particular sin or habit in
someone’s
life and what the outcome would be if it went undealt with.
We show them scriptures, expose them to tapes, let them hear
our hearts on the applications, and acknowledge our failures.
We are open with them concerning difficult training issues
and
speak to them about loving discipline, even occasionally taking
them in to watch how we handle chastening. Although we encourage
them to listen to tapes or to read The Pursuit of Godly
Seed, we still think that watching the application and
seeing the victories and failure in their own home is the
most
effective.
Helping
in Other Homes
Occasionally our girls have the
privilege of helping out in other homes. This exposes them
to
other godly women and to other ways of running a household.
We do not want them inflexible, thinking our way is the
only
way. In fact, I enjoy discussing their time with them when
they return because I continue
to learn as well!
Receiving
Correction
In addition to the homemaking
side, we continue to work very diligently on the spiritual
side.
One area is receiving correction. At this age we work very
hard at getting the girls to a point where they GREATLY DESIRE
that
any sin or failing which they have be pointed out to them.
We are setting them up so that they will be teachable and
ready
when a husband, minister or other authority in their lives
comes to them to rebuke or to give counsel. We believe we
live in
an age where young people (all people?) are not being taught
that at all. Often any form of rebuke, whether it be in person
or from the pulpit, is received with offensiveness, hurt,
denial,
etc., in the world and even in the churches. We are trying
to train our young people that we have nothing to fear in
admonishment
and often much to gain. By the time our young people are around
fifteen years old, they actually come often asking us to
shine
a light on some area of their lives. It is not uncommon for
us to get a note or hear from them in person something along
this line: “You haven’t come to me in a while about anything
specific in my life. Please, if you see anything that is not
pleasing to the Lord, come and point it out to me. I so want
to grow and be more like Him.” They are sincere in their requests;
they desire input and receive reproof with gratitude. Praise
the Lord. This is more exciting than a college level course
in “Ethics”.
How
We Handle Offenses
Related to this same area, we
have noticed in this age that within churches, businesses and
families there is a great tendency for people to get hurt or
offended over small things. How we handle offenses is so important.
We spend time in these later years helping our young people
with the true working out of the scripture, “Great peace have
they which love thy law; and nothing shall offend them.” Psalm
116:165.
Many offenses come from speculating
that someone meant or said or simply implied something which
is derogatory towards us personally or which puts us in a not-so-good
light. We first try to train by word and example that we
should simply give grace and assume that we are probably
perceiving wrong (because we should think the best of people,
especially the brethren). In addition, we try to humble
ourselves
and realize that truly we do have many faults and there may
be a measure of truth in what the person thinks about us.
Thirdly,
we try to help them understand that even if someone is completely
wrong, we must realize how many times in this life we have
done
something wrong that no one saw or noticed. Therefore, it certainly
does us very little harm for the good parts of our character
or personality to also go unnoticed sometimes, or for us to
be misunderstood!
Oh, you may think these are little
things, but so many wives are nervous and overly sensitive
because
they are so often offended. They can save many years of useless
tears, hurts, strivings, and counseling sessions, and give
more
time for ministering and caring for others. God’s way is so
different from man’s way and so beautiful!
A
Meek and Quiet Spirit
We train our girls to be quiet
and meek, not to stand out in a crowd. It actually goes against
most of our natures to be gentle and calm. In our flesh we like
to be the center of attention–to be noticed–to be the prettiest
or the most talented or the smartest. Today’s society pushes
girls to the forefront in these areas. It is sometimes done
subtly (writing long holiday newsletters bragging on the children’s
every achievement) and sometimes not so subtly (talent shows
and beauty contests.) We want to teach the young women God’s
way of a meek and quiet spirit. One that loves Jesus and wants
His name exalted.
Not
to Fear Man
While training them to be meek
and quiet we also train them NOT to fear man and not to be afraid
of sharing about Jesus. We set up opportunities for them to
die to self as far as shyness. We gather with other families
and have them give reports on assigned themes, etc. We give
them opportunity for door-to-door evangelism (in groups) in
the inner city. They do this in a supporting role rather than
a leading role.
Minister
to the Hurting and the Widow
We encourage the girls to minister
to the hurting and the widow. They often write notes of love,
spend time in prayer or deliver meals or gifts. I wish we did
it even more often!
Study
the Bible
We encourage our young people
in a comprehensive study of the Bible. I am so thankful
that
my husband teaches the children from the Bible for years on
end, having studies and discussions of specific books of
the
Bible from the time they are little until the day they leave
home. Some days we miss it. Some days we get together twice
and some days once. Sometimes we read missionary books or other
spiritual books. But over the years there have been hours
and
hours of Bible teaching, and oh, how these add up in our young
people's minds and hearts. In addition we have the privilege
of being at a church where the Word of God is taught in
Spirit
and truth. The sermons and other messages are kept on file
at our tape ministry and so there are years of topics for
the growth
of the soul. Occasionally our youth will study a series of
tapes from the past on soul winning, or fasting. Sometimes
they may
study methods of reaching Muslims. There is much availability
to the Word in person and on tape. But primarily the young
people
diligently seek the Word themselves during these important
years.
Missionary
Medical Intensive
Around the age of twenty, we allow
our boys and our girls to take part in a weeklong twelve-hour
day intensive course called “Missionary Medical Intensive.”
For a girl this prepares her to be a helpmeet should her husband
spend time on the mission field. Or it enables her to help a
missionary family or work in a mission clinic. At the end of
the course there is a section on emergency midwifery. The textbooks
are a tremendous resource for the future and are written by
Christian MD’s. Not all of our youth will take this course.
It depends on their vision and circumstances.
Advanced
Missionary Training
Occasionally some of our church
girls have attended a three-week Advanced Missionary Training
course in North Carolina. It has proven valuable to many a future
missionary. We would only recommend very consecrated girls and
then only in groups so as to encourage and sustain them in a
pure walk with the Lord. Should one of our daughters court a
man who is headed to the mission field, we would likely send
her in a group to this course if that were the desire of her
future husband.
Love
the Lord Jesus Fervently
Before our children leave home
we want them to love the Lord Jesus fervently. We want them
to have a firm mindset that they are ready and very willing
to die for the cause of Christ. It is with much prayer and teaching;
much exposure to the writings on the martyrs and dedicated (dedicated
not glamorized) missionaries; and many hours of discussion.
We watch for that turning point that seems, to the best of our
discernment, to be a true dedication to that end.
Those are a few of our ideas on
preparing godly young women. Do not be overwhelmed by it. It
is our list not yours.
And it is worked at over a long span of their youth which can
be anywhere between five and ten years depending on your definition
of youth and how long they are in the home. And it is a joy.
It is bathed in prayer and sought after in faith that it is
Jesus Christ who enables us and it is His presence in their
lives that makes them into tools for His use. We are not always
guiding these girls. Oh no. We are
working side by side with them and daily learning things from
them that make us more conformed to His image. May the Lord
continue to lead us all as we serve Him together.
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