Stand Behind Your Man

by Laura Lloyd

“But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, Even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, Which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, Who trusted in God, adorned themselves, Being in subjection to their own husbands: Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: Whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, And are not afraid with any amazement.” I Peter 3:4-6

"Stand Behind Your Man.” The very title is enough to evoke anger in the feminist mind, but to the godly wife it is to be seen as an opportunity to glorify God. There is power and much influence that falls upon the women who take such a lowly stand. We have the precious opportunity to show forth the good qualities of our God by laying down our rights and taking the place of a servant. There are secrets hidden there that most wives will never know. Jesus set the example for us in this, and the fruit of His secrets unfolds before our eyes. Too often we sisters dishonor His name by dishonoring our husbands. By our self-centered arrogance, we spoil the picture of the Bride of Christ to our neighbors. I have done this, and probably many of you have also.

The beauty of a meek and quiet spirit is the key to standing behind our man. Sarah’s daughters make themselves beautiful by placing themselves under the authority of their husbands. Developing this gentle and peaceful spirit is an attractive quality that won’t fade with old age. I wonder how much of this quality was what attracted the attention of King Abimelech. If you search out Sarah’s age, you will find she was an older woman. According to I Peter 3:4, this quality is very valuable in the sight of God.

The power to stand behind our husbands comes from our faith in God. God brings this out so clearly in I Peter 3:5,6. We see that Sarah could courageously obey her husband because she hoped in God. It is the same with us. Only when we place confident trust in the loving oversight of our Heavenly Father can we receive the grace to overcome the flesh. Our flesh is rebellious. It will resist the direction our husbands give us and imagine all kinds of reasons why we know better than he does. This flesh must be crucified, as we look away from ourselves and lean upon God. In this article, I would like to spend a few moments with you looking at some practical ways that we can support our husbands. I want to draw these from two main attitudes of character that we are admonished to develop: a quiet spirit and a meek spirit.

How Do I Stand Behind My Husband?

With a Quiet Spirit

A quiet spirit is much more than not talking. Many have misunderstood this passage of Scripture and made a law out of it: “Don’t talk.” The verse means so much more than this. A quiet spirit is an attitude of the heart, which works out in many different ways. Consider some of the qualities of character that flow from a quiet spirit.

• Be Loyal
  Bring him honor with a controlled tongue, speaking to all others (including the children) those things about him which are pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous and worthy of our praise. Leave unspoken those things that God has yet to perfect in him. (Prov. 11:16)
  
• Be Trustworthy
  You get to see all his weaknesses. Take what you see to God in prayer. This will help to keep any beams of pride and self-righteousness out of your own eyes so you can see clearly to help him with his specks when the right time comes. (I Ti. 3:11; Mt. 7:3-5) You must also be worthy to be trusted to use his resources to their greatest potential.
  
• Be Obedient
  Obedience is immediate, cheerful, and complete. If he asks you to lengthen a dress after it is finally finished, will you cheerfully, immediately, and completely set out to fulfill his wishes? If he asks you to leave your family and friends and secure home to move to a new location, will there be supportive encouragement from his wife to follow God’s leading? Will he receive hope-filled words of trust in God, or words of doubt and criticism? Will earnest prayer arise for God’s hand of protection and guidance? Remember that hope in God is the power to stand behind your man.
  
• Be a Prayer Warrior
  Pray for his safety. Pray that the spirit of wisdom and revelation would rest upon him. Pray that he would be able to see any traps of the enemy for the family’s protection. Pray that he would know the love of God more fully. Ask God to bless him with positive character qualities. Do you see he is fearful? Bless him with courage and faith. Do you see he is angry? Bless him with long-suffering and love.
  
• Revere Him
  Seek to please him. Study what delights him and seek to give him the desires of his heart before he even asks.
  
• Be an Encourager
  Life is full of disappointments, and Satan is always ready to pounce on us when we are the weakest. Arm yourself against the enemy by keeping your mind full of grateful thoughts to deliver to your weary husband.
  
• Be Hospitable
  This may mean you have to plan ahead, lay down your plans for relaxation, give of your resources, or give up your privacy. But if you want a man who is a spiritual leader who is ministering to the needs of others, then you must be willing to open your home. Let your man know that if he feels God leading him to invite someone home, you are standing behind him.

How Do I Stand Behind An Imperfect Man?

With a Meek Spirit

Someone has well said, “Meekness is not weakness.” Again, the feminists react to the challenge to be meek in the sight of our husbands, but they do not understand how God works. It is hidden from their eyes—and maybe from some of our eyes also. Like the quiet spirit, meekness is an attitude with many varied qualities flowing out of it. These qualities have a powerful encouraging effect upon our husbands. Let us cultivate these qualities and reap the benefits.

• Be Humble
  In a conflict, don’t let the sun go down without earnestly seeking God to know if you may have had any wrong attitudes for which you can be the first to go to him for forgiveness. I had the blessing of having a mother who understood the value of submitting to her husband. She left her home state with its family and friends and moved her young family to Texas when her husband thought it was best for his health. Then a few months later, when it was obvious they couldn’t stay, they moved again. A similar move and return were made to Alaska. I knew that she submitted in many smaller ways also as she supported him through many job changes and trips. Therefore I was impressed when she confessed to me in later years that she was convicted of keeping Dad in a box of failure by her words to and about him. She experienced a change of attitude toward her husband and the submission went beyond obedience to honor. The condemning attitudes and critical words were seen as enemies to keep her husband from changing. She chose to humbly see in her own self the same root sins of pride and selfishness, which had resulted in some actions from her husband that she disliked and condemned. Thereby she received grace to love him and honor him more deeply than ever before. I watched as their last years of life together were spent in sweet harmony. We need to see as rebellion those undercurrent actions of grumbling, sulking, rolling the eyes, arguing, complaining, and sighing.
  
• Be Meek
  Lay down your rights to have things your way. Leave the way your parents have done things and be open to follow your husband. This yieldedness is a tremendous motivation to a man to lead. And that is what we want, right?
  
• Be Content
  Don’t compare with what other people have or do. Don’t look at what you could have IF...
  
• Be Grateful
  I was astonished to hear from my husband that he felt that I was whining one day. How we hate that in others. How tired and defeated we become when we forget to count our blessings. How can we stand behind our man if we greet him with our complaints of not having enough ______? It shows that we are not trusting God, but instead running to our leader and murmuring as the Israelites did.
  
• Be Sincere
  There is no room for sarcastic cutting remarks or foolish joking in the mouth of a godly woman. Much damage has been done to marriages and homes in the name of teasing.
  
• Be Available and Attentive
  A good listener asks questions to understand why a person has made his choice. You don’t like his decision? Seek to understand what he knows and sees; you may see things differently.
  
• Be Honest
  Carefully communicate why you feel objections to his decisions. The words “Have you considered…?”, given in an open way without demand, are very helpful to a man. A woman can stand behind her man with godly influence, if she does it in the right spirit.
  
• Be Discerning
  Is this the right time to share about this need, or this broken _____? Is this the right time to communicate my disagreement? What is he trying to communicate behind his poorly chosen words?
  
• Be Forgiving
  Remember how much Christ has forgiven you. If this doesn’t seem like much, ask God to show you.

All of these fall under the category of meekness. Remember, this is of great price in the sight of God, and also your husband.

What if I Don't Stand Behind My Man?

Yes, there are always consequences if we choose to go our own way and depart from God’s ways. “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands” (Prov. 14:1). “The foolishness of man perverteth his way: and his heart fretteth against the Lord” (Prov. 19:3). In the name of defending their rights, many women resent and reject the beautiful plan and place God has for them. They ruin their own source of protection and provision and destroy their families. It is often too late when they finally wake up and realize what they are doing. These contentious women are likened to continual dripping on a rainy day. (Prov. 27:15)

May each one of us find that joyous haven of rest under the loving protection, guidance, and provision of our husbands. Aim for a meek spirit where each right is entrusted to God. Run after a peaceful and quiet spirit that is undisturbed and undisturbing. STAND BEHIND YOUR MAN.

Click the icon to download or print this article.
You will need word processing software that can read Microsoft Word documents in order to view this file. If you do not have Microsoft Word or a compatible word processor, you can download the free Microsoft Word Viewer.