How to Be
Perfectly Miserable

  • Think about yourself.
  • Talk about yourself.
  • Use “I” as often as possible.
  • Mirror yourself continually in the opinion of others.
  • Listen greedily to what people have to say about you.
  • Expect to be appreciated.
  • Be suspicious.
  • Be jealous and envious.
  • Be sensitive to slights.
  • Never forgive a criticism.
  • Trust no one but yourself.
  • Insist on consideration and respect.
  • Demand agreement with your own views on everything.
  • Sulk if people are not grateful to you for favors shown them.
  • Never forget a service you may have rendered.
  • Be on the lookout for a good time for yourself.
  • Shirk your duties if you can.
  • Do as little as possible for others.
  • Love yourself supremely.
  • Be selfish.

This recipe is guaranteed to be infallible.

—Author unknown

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